The Color Changing Knife and Lighter at the Airport

For many years, I worked for employers that frequently required me to travel, quite a lot.  Naturally, I would always pack some magic to take with me, because I never knew when I might be asked to perform. As airport security tightened, things I had always been allowed to bring onto planes were now forbidden.

I always packed a pen-knife (used for the Color Changing Knife) and a nice refillable lighter. I use both of  these often when doing magic. The knife is a slim, folding pen- knife with about a 1.5 inch blade. The lighter is a butane lighter made of sterling silver.

One day, I arrived at the airport for a transcontinental flight and, after checking my bags, I entered the departure area and went through their security screening. Before I walked through the metal detector, the security officer asked me to remove any metal objects and put them in the tray for hand inspection. Well, this is kind of like asking James West* to remove any hidden weapons. After placing the stainless steel card case, the lighter, some Kennedy half dollars, another silver dollar, various keys, rings, jewelry and the sort into the basket, I came to the knife. I placed it in the basket on top of everything else. The little basket was overflowing with metallic mysteries.

Then I walked through the metal detector. Because I didn’t hear a beep or an alarm, I thought I was home free. Then I noticed the commotion over by the conveyor belt where the baskets and carry-ons were being hand-checked.

You would have thought they had found a sub-machine gun, but, no, it was my deadly 1.5 inch bladed knife! Obviously, it was the weapon-of-choice for any would-be terrorist. Two armed security officers then approached me and escorted me to the questioning area. This area had other high-tech security stuff in it, like machines that can detect traces of chemicals or elements used in explosives.

"What had you planned to do with this?", a large woman asked from behind the counter where the other detection machines were kept. Now, I was always taught to tell the truth, but for most of my time spent as a magician I have totally disregarded these teachings. After all, I lie for a living. This time I told the truth. "I plan to do magic", I said. I could see from the looks on all of their faces that they were thinking, "We have some kind of a zealot wako on our hands". All of a sudden I realized this “telling the truth” idea was not all it was cracked up to be. "What do you mean by that?", one of the security guys scoffed, as if to say he's not buying into whatever weird religion I’m mixed up in. I explained that I was a magician and that the knife was used as part of a trick. After convincing them that I was not going to try to disembowl the three of them with my deadly weapon, they allowed me to touch it. I then demonstrated the color changing knife routine. They calmed down a little.

"What about this?", one of the armed guards asked, holding up the lighter. "It's a lighter", I said, again with the honesty. When will I learn? All three scowled at me. Evidently, they do not appreciate humor or sarcasm. That eliminated most of what I wanted to say!

He handed me the lighter and said, “Can you make it light?” So I lighted the lighter. Well, this proved it was a real lighter and not a remote detonation device. "That has butane in it", one said. I somehow managed not to say "Here's your sign!"**  The woman behind the counter told me that flammable liquids were not allowed onto the plane. I immediately thought about all those little bottles of flammable alcohol they serve to passengers on board their planes. Not wanting to “inflame” the situation further (I can only go so long without a pun), I said, "What are my options?” The woman said, "You can throw it away or check it in you luggage". Well, it's very valuable, so I am not going to throw it away. "My luggage is already checked, it was required before I could come to this area", I said. "I know", she replied. It was my turn to glare.

By now, the two armed guys had finally left, since I had proven to be less threatening than they initially thought.

The woman exclaimed, "I know! I will empty out the butane so there is no fuel in it. Then you can take it on board the plane!" (Now, this is Ironic, since if the lighter had not lighted when they told me to light it, I would have been in very big trouble.) So, the woman started releasing the butane by depressing the valve, and I gave a sigh of relief that the drama was coming to a close. However, just at that moment the security alarms started going off and the warning lights started flashing. This time, four armed security officers descended upon us. It turned out that the woman had released the butane right next to the machinery on the table that is scanning for just that kind of chemical.

She started waving her hands in a “No Problem, False Alarm” manner. However, her attempt to control the situation was pointless until the guards were able to stop the alarms. Eventually, she explained everything that had happened in a “Nothing to see, Move along” fashion. The woman allowed me to take my knife and lighter on board as long as I kept them in my carry-on.

Once on board, I ordered a nice, flammable alcoholic drink, and drank it quietly.

This all took place long before “9/11”.

*     For those who might not know or remember, there was a TV show aired in the 1960’s called “The Wild Wild West” about a U.S. secret service agent named James West who, in the late 1800’s, was known to carry weapons in every possible stowable part of his clothing.

**  Comic Bill Engvall’s famous catch phrase for people who make stupid statements about obvious situations.